Saturday 26 January 2013

Moon Fever


Slow Burn of the Moon

I am feeling wild today. I want to run, roar and shout to the heavens, not out of rage. But just – HERE I AM. This is me. And this is what I will do. As you have seen it has been a Wilding week. Mother Earth has been calling me fiercely, insistently. I am listening, I have walked, seen, heard. Today, full moon, first of this year. I will call wildly on the Goddess Energy of the moon. Awaken me even more, course through my veins.

Let the Ocean, Forest, Desert, Snowlands all be seen when you look into my eyes. I want to be seen as EarthWomyn SeerSoul. I want you to catch me in the corner of your eye and see a tree, a cloud, a Goddess. Because this is WHO I AM… (I have tears writing this) this is what I LIVE. I am as much of this Blue Woman speeding through space as the Guineafowl that cackles at daybreak, snake that slithers in the sun, tortoise that moves in the grass… My blood runs with the breath of trees, stardust is what I am made of.

I will walk the Holy Land with my Holy Feet…

Friday 25 January 2013

Rooted Blessings


Rooted blessings tapped my shoulder, slow bending Candlewood tree wrapping her love round me.

I walked the thickets of the Milkwood and Candlewood trees today. Was blessed beyond words at the flowers that I saw for the first time ever. I stooped to enter the low hugging trees – Oh, I know as sure as my breath that Great Spirit breathes into me through all I see. This shaded place, lichens, moss, damp earth. A place where I felt no foot had been before. I am in love, with the Land… I felt the same deep ecstasy as I feel in meditation. I am carrying that visceral feeling of blessings, love, bliss. I can barely describe the awe I feel of all around me. Oh Gaia, I am in love with you.

“Is there a spiritual geography, are there certain places upon the earth which are more or less attuned to certain modes of consciousness? And if so, do such qualities belong to the earth itself, to certain qualities of light, or sound, or scent or rock formation?…or do people of a certain cast of mind impart to the land their own qualities?” Kathleen Raine, The Lion’s Mouth

I walk the Holy Land everyday…

Friday 18 January 2013

Rustling Voices


“Summer left its dry rustled offerings singing in the wind”

I was aware of the music in the fields today. The grass, and bushes of a dry Cape Summer, sounds different in the afternoon. They have their pale coats on, albino grass. Lived life, now offered the seeds for the earth to continue. I was moved to pick some, put into a glass jar filled with dune sand instead of water… I still can hear the rustle when they were in the bushes. They stand silent now next to my bed. Voice still…

Will I leave a sound when I am done? Will I have left seeds to grow into something fertile. Or will I just blow in the wind, forgotten? The former is cultivated in my heart… I want to leave something, even if it’s a dry bone of a memory. A form, a shape.

I want to rustle in the wind tonight, make a noise that’s my own…

Tuesday 15 January 2013

Heart Wide


“Something bigger than my heartbeat has been felt”

I was doing some really normal, boring editing fixes on my writing that I do for the Corporate Education Industry…when I felt an inexplicable feeling that did not match the usual grumpiness when I have to do this. It was a sense of butterflies in my stomach… I stopped to listen to my body. My psychical form, this place that houses ME, is a finely tuned thing. I know her well, in fact I know her better now than before. I believe in listening to this radar, this vibrational temple that I have chosen to live in while here. I deeply honour her, I love her.

I sat still, looked out – I felt the source of the butterflies. Deep, slow, coursing. I recognised the sound… I was sitting in my couch yesterday, was startled by the hum…steady, steady.

I have goosebumps now just recognising – my heart – its wide open – wide, spinning.

I don’t know what has caused this today. Is it the thought that I had this morning about people I have worked with? They are good people, but our vibration differences are worlds apart, and it’s ok, we both are living the perfect life. I recognised the goodness despite huge differences in belief and lifestyle. I felt good just seeing the simplicity…

A piece of text from Pema Chodron came to mind –
“If we were to ask the Buddha, "What is bodhichitta?" he might tell us that this word is easier to understand than to translate. He might encourage us to seek out ways to find its meaning in our own lives. He might tantalize us by adding that it is only bodhichitta that heals, that bodhichitta is capable of transforming the hardest of hearts and the most prejudiced and fearful minds.  Chitta means "mind" and also "heart" or "attitude." Bodhi means "awake," "enlightened," or "completely open." Sometimes the completely open heart and mind of bodhichitta is called the soft spot, a place as vulnerable and tender as an open wound. It is equated, in part, with our ability to love. Even the cruelest people have this soft spot. Even the most vicious animals love their offspring. As Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche put it, "Everybody loves something, even if it's only tortillas!"”


Today I will simply enjoy this feeling… and I send it out to each of you who read this too, embrace that soft spot - Namaste Shining Ones. 
(Dearest Diego who accompany's me with his friend Pepper Anne on my  many walks)

Sunday 13 January 2013

Landscapes of Faces



“The landscape of souls faces each wearing their life had me humbled”

My solitude was gently eased open yesterday. A reverie planned to meet a much loved face hailing from the Gold Country. I was embraced from all sides, and saw the love between all. In my contemplative state between wine and laughter. I Saw. 

I saw each soul etched by the lines of the world. Hands that have loved. Voices that spoke joy. I saw the frames carrying the Shining ones. Some weary and others so clear that I felt the Land in their eyes. The green tendrils of earth, and richness of growing soil. Each Being clothed in their own particular light of who they are. 

I sit here this evening and am moved by a chosen sisterhood, I cherish the love spoken, the seeing that was seen. I am sure that if I had sat back and unfocused my eyes,I would have noticed the rainbows of the chakras of all, mingling in some surprising supernova whirling into the sky.

Friday 11 January 2013

“For all the world around me is a Woman”


“For all the world around me is a Woman”

We live in rhythm sometimes subtle, but it’s the chaos that we also inhabit that excites me. I glanced across the vlei to Longbeach, the wisps of clouds ever changing behind Chapmans peak, caught my breath at their pouring into the valley  The world is a dance around me. Bending grass moving, wind whirling and the wonder of a tortoise slowly ambling across my path.

I sat on a particular angled rock chair where I vanish into the roar of the waves of late, and saw that all the world seemed a Woman to me. The crashing waves one after the other, in a curve, rocks rounded by millennium of smoothing water. Trees rounded and curving, their branches in an intricate pattern of curved dips and weaves,dunes, ripples.  And when the morning is moist from rain and mist – the perfume that rises in the rising sun has me thinking of the womanlyness of all that is around me. Yes Gaia is a Woman… I want to drink her in. Goddess rise. 

Monday 7 January 2013

Feathers might have heartbeats


“The Feather quivered in my hand, responding to the wind, it still lives”

I dug a hole in the beach sand this evening, a chair. It was an oval shape, and so I sat in my birthing chair. The amniotic fluid of the ocean, salty taste as the red life in me... rock, rocking. I felt cupped by my creation. The Tern feather I held wanted to fly off into the sky, it quivered so. It could have had a heartbeat for all I knew.

I returned to a thought that swam into my mind this morning. I am a Barnacle on a Whale. This personality is a tiny thing that is attached to the Bigger Me, that swims its own way in the vastness of Lifes Ocean. The soul of me, the Divine me is a Whale, that simply awaits for a tiny nudge thought from this ego, that holds memory of who I AM. And then – then she swims another way. And – and I have no idea what depths I will go to, or when I will come up for air…

Saturday 5 January 2013

What other bliss?


“My Masters and Heaven are found in the seeds, the open sky, touch of breeze upon my cheek”

My world moves me…the holy ground is revealed to me as I step into the morning air. The oceans breath filling my being. The bursting of waves on shore moves my heart to ecstasy. This all is sacred to me. A pine outside my door sings sermons to my being, mountains still to listen as the hawk sits quietly to sway in her song. I want to curl into the bushes round me, taste the air…

Sunrise and sunset colour my sight, each bringing a promise, the Mother turns. My feet firmly planted, goose bumps, I raise my hands in the heavens and slowly whirl in supplication to my God that is all around me. I worship her, I dine on her, trees in my breath, plant nourishing. I am not apart from this all. I Am so Full… I Am One, what other bliss need I know? The answer to that would surely make me fall to the ground...

Sunspot Snake


“I flew into the sunlight, hot on the sand, sunspots in my eyes”

A friend of mine shared that 2013 is the year of the snake. I had a long cackle (yes cackle, am feeling a little mad) I have had so many analogies of late that spoke to this being. So in celebration and needing to be outside to reconnect I sat on the hot sand dunes outside my gate… the guineafowls nervously peeking out from the bush behind me. Perhaps they saw me morph as I meditated into the heat, and became…

I sank and sifted into the granules, felt sinuous, supple, strong and oh close to the earth. Hot dust smell, hot plants releasing moisture…the thought of the plants releasing had me lifting in spiral into the air…image of a trail of dust and moisture, twirled, infinity symbol, doubled…it’s good to be twisted that way…

I am back at my desk now. My back feels loose and I feel so lithe, some dancing next I think? 

Thursday 3 January 2013

Rebirth



“Naked and bloodied I am birthing myself”

A deep meditation at my altar last night had me seeing my skin being shed, sloughing off the old. Have you ever watched a creature shed its skin? It is inert, vulnerable, still and struggles to move out that last old exterior. In a spontaneous movement, I began shedding my clothes, each item of clothing a mantra attached. This is Y O U,  This is T H A T – it is time for T H I S to go. You no longer serve me... 

I sat there reviewing my birth, and felt no less exhausted than as if I had just drawn my fist breath. This is Me. A fine Woman who no longer wishes to buy into the illusion of being owned by archaic patterns of thought. I will LIVE and yes, I will birth myself again, and again.

Tuesday 1 January 2013

Step into your skin


“Sitting taller as the woman I AM, the little girl who is me stepped back to take her place that has always been there for her”

I have been trying to articulate the shift that has been creeping on me. In order to understand something when it moves in me, I think in a story line. How would I tell this to myself? Then how would I explain this to another?

Sitting on the log that has washed from some forest and after just staring at the waves – a meditation on its own, I realised that I am stepping into the adult me, the Woman.

I know for sure that I have had the little girl who did not have tools to face fears has been in charge of my life 70% of the time. Always coming from a place of fear, uncertainty, fear of abandonment amongst the many limiting beliefs... I faced this head on last year. A Brandon Bays journey has dislodged something. I have all the tools I need to take care of me, I Am, I am powerful with heart.

In a ceremony there and then – I took that little girl on my lap. Held her close, smelt her sweaty curls and weeping body and said to her.

“Tass, you live in me in the wild way, your appreciation for this world with new wide eyes will never ever leave me. This part that is me now values you so very much, you make me the Woman; awaken to newness everyday. I now release you to go and play – go get dirty, climb trees and be free. It’s time for me to be the one who makes the decisions. I love you, I love you”

Step into your skin my dearest’s, step into being the wild ones who can with gentle power – back a little straighter, hat at a rakish angle. And go, go out and live fully embracing your maturity and the little girl will always be there. Release her to her rightful place. Its potent...