Hot Lonelys and other states of Grace
The day dawned with a restlessness, that my “I Am the Victorious
Intelligence governing my Life” prayer did not shift. I decided to work to see
if it would shift, had breakfast in some vague hope that it was just low blood
sugar. Mid work, my thoughts ran to the idea of going to Kalk Bay via the train
just to walk and look. Window shopping does bring in things too!! However in
the back of my mind I knew that this was me wanting to fill my state of being
with “something”. I wondered if should just sit still and be with it… and
decided that I could still do that over Chocolate Cake and good coffee.
I just missed the 11.15 so waited for the 12 o clock… A Gull
hovered just over me… staying there for long till the message sank in… The
shadow on the platform, the bird on high… me sandwiched between. To stay in
that Grace Place, neither shadow nor light, but just I AM…
The train arrived and my meanderings yielded leather for a
pendent from India that Farrah my Beloved eldest gifted me, and a rainbow Om
for my car. But still, nothing shifted. Even after Chocolate Cheesecake and Tanzanian
Columbian coffee blend…
Sitting still over the coffee, looking out… something that
for some or other reason I feel ashamed to admit, arose. Hot Lonelys - the
company of someone dear. Not necessarily of blood, but someone Significant with
which I could simply be on this day. From where this arose I have no idea. I
decided to keep the tears in till I got home. So there it is… it will pass I
know. And I also know that these emotions are something that we even have, when
we have Beloveds beside us. Such is being a Soul Full being. Realising that
just a hug from somewhere, would not be sufficient, simple recognition of my Human
State.
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