A
beautiful Autumns day dawned. Oceans ever present sigh and the days morning
songs softly in the air. But this morning I was deaf to this. I awoke with a
mind full. Full of self imposed unkind things milling about. It felt like (and
right now still does) a swarm of gnats, unwanted. Swatting my head is not an
option!
So
what do I do with this? Do I pay heed to any of the thoughts? I am left with a
Yes and a No. Today I will sift through those that feel most dominant to see if
they are true still or not. There have been many years of some thoughts being
true, but many have been worked through, and some gnats are just ghosts. I know there will some validity to certain
feelings of inadequacy. To then sit, and embrace them deeply, hold them close
and tight. Put them on my lap and love them because they are me and need to be
closely loved and seen.
How did this jumble arrive? I will touch on one of the thoughts that is deeply present.
I realise that I live far away and am
solitary, because I actually feel socially inadequate.
I
attended a wonderful talk last night by a lovely Being who spoke of his
upcoming journey to follow the tracks of OR7, a wolf who left his pack in Oregon and walked all the way to California…
This
wolf stirred so much within me. Here he is, doing what wolves naturally do in
the wild. They sometimes just wander off and seek new grounds, to start afresh.
If they should meet other wolves a new pack is formed. And they live their
beautiful wolf lives free as they should.
I
identified with the lone wolf, wandering off to find my way. Sometimes I think
I have found my pack, today I feel like I have not. And whose doing is this?
Mine entirely.
There are many layers to this story that has touched me.
I
looked around on the evening, spoke to random people who I have no idea if I
will ever see again. Not even the presence of my Beloved, tea with her and a
friend of hers in her sacred home space could stop the rising tide in me. I
went home awash with layers and layers of emotions arising…
I
will sift through these layers today. I have work to do. And perhaps I should
just realise that I am a lone wolf and leave it at that. Perhaps I am not meant
to find my pack? I need to maybe be kind about that…
I
shall of course walk and listen and see to find some answers, and sometime in
the day I will hear the world around me.
Follow OR7 tracks with these humans who want to build co-existence bridges:
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