Tuesday, 2 December 2014

Living at Souls edge, is never for the fainthearted

So, here I sit. My hair is grey and I have many lines on my face. I stare over an endless horizon that I could simply walk into, a pool of purple as the sun sets. I am a Woman, a fine one, even if I don’t always think so. A Mother, who has raised Powerhouses. Both Women who walk their lives true, sooner than I ever did. I have loved a man, and found the memory later, that to love women is what called me from when I was little. I don’t question this. Drew wild tattoos on paper napkins with a dear friend, the symbolism only really seen now. My body carries a story that I already knew then.

It was hard, it was tough. Sometimes I wanted to leave this form, but those Women who I bore and who chose me as their Mama, were what kept me going as I struggled to find my place.

I found myself in small spaces… sitting on lawns listening to the furthest sound I could find. Lighting candles, making staffs, feathers found and love, incense burning. Losing myself in meditation after dinners and bodies tucked. I took to paint, easel set up, and music blaring. I painted my Wilds, I painted my life into being. I wept, I drank wine, put the music louder and painted till my arms hurt and dawn was rising…  

I worked, I loved the young ones I taught, and collapsed into bed after stories told. Singing chants that were written in chalk on my bedroom wall.  We moved, I followed Love till it was no more, then packed our bags again, to go to the ocean. Vowing not to ever follow anyone else but Myself again. Repetition of my own childhood swiftly cut in that seeing. Then I stormed out of places that no longer held integrity with my Soul.

So, another sunset is behind me. It’s hard, it’s tough. I will paint again. This time it’s, orange juice and most likely chocolate. The music has changed. I have feathers that I use for Shaman tools, a staff carved 20 years ago, an altar with sacred objects. A drum that I use for journey work, and land that I walk, that speaks whispers so deeply into my soul. I have a New Name, given by a Teacher whose words echo ancestry from another blood line I had, She named me, “Two Crows Flying”  (Thought and Memory bringing mystery’s from the other side) I have a Beloved, who is the Wind, She blows where She needs to, Loving her free Spirit just the way it is. She gifted me Big Medicine, in a cutting feather from a Cape Vulture, I am wary of the power in it, and will live into it slowly.  

And I stay, firmly rooted where I Am. My Fruit Women, walking their worlds so confidently learning their own fine lessons, with me watching with glowing heart. What the Dawn holds or the future is something I speak to the Great Spirit about, prayers in the Pipe. And then, even though I do speak, tomorrow is really never seen. 

I feel as if I am finally becoming unapologetically Wild. 

My true self arising from a very deep place. I am scared and exhilarated at the same time. Living at Souls edge, is never for the fainthearted…

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Our very lives are prayers lived… a borderless feeling…

Ocean staring, cool day after Spring rain. I feel the familiar tightness in my throat. I have no idea why, it could be a thousand reasons and actually I don’t need to know right now.  I decide to just surrender. Shoulders shaking, hand in hair, I just surrender. Howling I weep, My grief, Your Joy, Our pain. Mouth wide, really simply letting what needs to come out moves its way without hindrance. Maybe my task right this very moment is to weep for all those who keep this healing at bay and maybe that’s all nonsense and it’s all mine. No matter… It is. It simply is. I am so wide open –

How do you explain that Prayers danced around an All Tree have opened an inner portal that transcends anything ever experienced? I know I Am, Yggdrasil as much as World Tree is me…

I stood, my feet growing deep
I swayed, my arms reaching high
They came,
They danced deep
They swayed arms reaching high
Light shivered through Me/Us
Prayers wrapped into EveryAll

And now I Am/We Are changed. The threads are as fine as a spiders web within, I am treading gently…I walk with another light in my eyes, a sense of an even greater Yearning. My heart is connected to so much more, its whelming, deepening and the reverberations have gone to unfathomable depths and equal heights into the Universe. Our prayers heard… Inner eyes seeing new lands, that will  be walked and thoroughly consumed…

And I weep in this knowing…. I weep today…

Our very lives are prayers lived… a borderless feeling…

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Seeded with Stones

I am growing a plantation
In my heart.
It’s been seeded with stones
Leaves, shells and fish bones.
Seals might grow next to 
A grove of eagles.
I will water it with my tears and saliva. 

Tiny ears of dormice will appear
Breaking through the morning suns greeting
Rainbows will hoe the ground to make anew
Once the harvest of a million little Earths
Growing like bells have been gathered. 
These will be strewn across the heavens.
I will tend the tender shoots
Of the gossamer Souls vine like reaching.

Come sit with me 
Climb into my Hearts Plantation
Where freedom lives and breathes clear air. 
You will notice its beat sounds like oceans movement.
You will taste honey as bees land on your
Come – climb within
And Hear My Love.

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Recipe for Beginning

Recipe for Beginning

Take Seven Directions
And blend them with an oak wand
In a clay bowl made of your hands.
Feel, see, the heat of rising sun whooshing
To whirl with fire and noon,
Tempered by water and swimming things in a mix,
To set in stone with rattles shaking your bones.
Take this all to bed with you,
Make love to them with all of you…
Dream of Trees limbs shooting out your ears and eyes
Root deeply… hear the sound of the earth
Be the silent eyes of the mountain rooted,
With ages of knowing and the rumble
Of the deep earths core.
Lie on the beach, limp, with the water lap,  lapping you
Lifting you with each surge.
Deeper, higher into suns flame while the Sky watches
The center of you washing magic in…

Awaken to bake this all
Into words,
That can Feed the World.
Walk with light visible on your heels,
Don’t ascend yet.

There is too much to tell… 

Unfurling You

I see you,
I know you…
Your sap rises unbidden,
Fleshing out those limbs unseen
Your back arches looking up
Into the Bright Fire
Wide Sky,
Feeling the crackle in your limbs
Unfolding in tenuous shivering not perceived by the naked eye

Only You ~
What blossoming


Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Discernment is a very fine, close cousin to Intuition…

The Western Cape Spring brings even more magic than usual, Proteas, Pincushions, a million pink, yellow, tiny purple faces opening to the day. I have a particular gnarled squat tree that I head up to go and sit beside, when called to do so. I had not been for a while but was eyeing the huge Pincushion bushes  on route to it… so out of a desire to see one of my favourite Protea types, I headed up. It’s a lovely meandering narrow walk, and I am so aware that  the rock and sand I tread upon was under the ocean millions of years ago. 

The rock formations here show the water erosion well… As I got closer, I could feel the frown of puzzlement forming on my brow. It was NOT a Pincushion bush! I would have sworn it was when I looked at it from afar… no less beautiful though…

Another incident -

A few days ago I was meandering to a deli In Kommetjie (10km away from me, no shops in my town for eggs and other goodies!) when I spotted a Porcupine quill in the road! Porcupine is one of my animal totems, so I slowed down, pulled over and went to retrieve it. It was a beautiful striped stick! Not what I thought it was…

Now these two incidences added to what I had been thinking about for some time, around peoples posts on Social Media sites. My eyebrows are raised at what is seen to be true, “photoshopped true” , mass hysteria “ true”… etc…

Discernment is a very fine close cousin to Intuition…

Just because something has been presented and mass shared, liked, angry shared, outrage shared – does not mean it is necessarily REAL…

Use this fine tool Beautiful Shining Ones… Do not lose yourself in hysteria, or amazement. Rather look up from your screen, take a walk outside and rather be fooled by mother natures cleverness. This is true…

Monday, 22 September 2014

I looked down on my birthing Being, light as Air I became the Wing of birds

I am starting to see that I could possibly be more in tune with All that Is if I were Receptive. It feels as if my most natural learning state is Receptive. I see, hear, taste, touch, ingest, take in. This is all a receiving state. I believe I will serve myself better if I begin to step towards this more fully. This Seeing has been arriving in this last month of learning with Grandmother Robin… My life has been giving, teaching, writing, this last 8 years, and suddenly I am in this Grace of receiving. Tears spill as I write this. What a profound blessing.

With this epiphany still incubating. I stepped out of my car to the biting wind, to ready myself to Dance with Horses and Sisters. We smudged, we shared, we heart resonated and then it began…

I was lifted into the East, I rose, I soared, bright flaming Yellow, I looked down on my birthing Being, light as Air I became the Wing of birds, I AM, no thought, and slowly descended, called to Home… within a few heartbeats, I was filled with Excitement, passion, my body FIRE as I stomped the earth and whirled into the heat of the day, my blood, red pumping coursing… I was within the hooved Ones, great heart beating Oh I was the Movement, my arms windmills, air still around me fuelling my fire…to dive straight into the Ocean, Westwards, I swam, tears joining the sweat on my face, seeing myself fully reflected in my Sisters, the colour of night deeply moving me, between, balanced… I shimmered into the landscape from Shore, to be still, to stand, I was Mountain North, Stone and Standing Ones. Those ones who move in another time dimension of slowness and wisdom… In gratitude and still serenity, the ones who were before me, were with me… Bright White, still still still…

Coming round from these cardinal directions, (synonyms  for cardinal are: important, significant, chief, key, fundamental) I suddenly was aware of how I was not me. My body not mine, I was my Sisters, I was all that danced me… I think we all needed to find our feet before We/I… swept into the Void, Father Sky, vastness of Eternity no longer a concept, but a knowing. I floated, We/I hummed the Universe, our arms reaching wide as we can stretch bringing Mother Earth through our beating Feet, rolling onto the ground, forehead to Earth, incubations arising, knowing that all is possible….weaving into Magic, enlivening, Oneness with all… and all the colours of my Being shimmering bow like across All That Is…

A Horse blessing to my forehead, loving my Sisters, a haze of directions followed me home, I felt the presence, saw how each element flowed into the other. And my connection to All – being danced by the Directions has given me a different Course within… receptively I will gently approach a different way of being… My HeartsHands ready to receive…