Living at Souls edge, is never for the fainthearted

So, here I sit. My hair is grey and I have many lines on my face. I stare over an endless horizon that I could simply walk into, a pool of purple as the sun sets. I am a Woman, a fine one, even if I don’t always think so. A Mother, who has raised Powerhouses. Both Women who walk their lives true, sooner than I ever did. I have loved a man, and found the memory later, that to love women is what called me from when I was little. I don’t question this. Drew wild tattoos on paper napkins with a dear friend, the symbolism only really seen now. My body carries a story that I already knew then.

It was hard, it was tough. Sometimes I wanted to leave this form, but those Women who I bore and who chose me as their Mama, were what kept me going as I struggled to find my place.

I found myself in small spaces… sitting on lawns listening to the furthest sound I could find. Lighting candles, making staffs, feathers found and love, incense burning. Losing myself in meditation after dinners and bodies tucked. I took to paint, easel set up, and music blaring. I painted my Wilds, I painted my life into being. I wept, I drank wine, put the music louder and painted till my arms hurt and dawn was rising…  

I worked, I loved the young ones I taught, and collapsed into bed after stories told. Singing chants that were written in chalk on my bedroom wall.  We moved, I followed Love till it was no more, then packed our bags again, to go to the ocean. Vowing not to ever follow anyone else but Myself again. Repetition of my own childhood swiftly cut in that seeing. Then I stormed out of places that no longer held integrity with my Soul.

So, another sunset is behind me. It’s hard, it’s tough. I will paint again. This time it’s, orange juice and most likely chocolate. The music has changed. I have feathers that I use for Shaman tools, a staff carved 20 years ago, an altar with sacred objects. A drum that I use for journey work, and land that I walk, that speaks whispers so deeply into my soul. I have a New Name, given by a Teacher whose words echo ancestry from another blood line I had, She named me, “Two Crows Flying”  (Thought and Memory bringing mystery’s from the other side) I have a Beloved, who is the Wind, She blows where She needs to, Loving her free Spirit just the way it is. She gifted me Big Medicine, in a cutting feather from a Cape Vulture, I am wary of the power in it, and will live into it slowly.  

And I stay, firmly rooted where I Am. My Fruit Women, walking their worlds so confidently learning their own fine lessons, with me watching with glowing heart. What the Dawn holds or the future is something I speak to the Great Spirit about, prayers in the Pipe. And then, even though I do speak, tomorrow is really never seen. 

I feel as if I am finally becoming unapologetically Wild. 

My true self arising from a very deep place. I am scared and exhilarated at the same time. Living at Souls edge, is never for the fainthearted…

Our very lives are prayers lived… a borderless feeling…

Ocean staring, cool day after Spring rain. I feel the familiar tightness in my throat. I have no idea why, it could be a thousand reasons and actually I don’t need to know right now.  I decide to just surrender. Shoulders shaking, hand in hair, I just surrender. Howling I weep, My grief, Your Joy, Our pain. Mouth wide, really simply letting what needs to come out moves its way without hindrance. Maybe my task right this very moment is to weep for all those who keep this healing at bay and maybe that’s all nonsense and it’s all mine. No matter… It is. It simply is. I am so wide open –

How do you explain that Prayers danced around an All Tree have opened an inner portal that transcends anything ever experienced? I know I Am, Yggdrasil as much as World Tree is me…

I stood, my feet growing deep

I swayed, my arms reaching high

They came,

They danced deep

They swayed arms reaching high

Light shivered through Me/Us

Prayers wrapped into EveryAll

And now I Am/We Are changed. The threads are as fine as a spiders web within, I am treading gently…I walk with another light in my eyes, a sense of an even greater Yearning. My heart is connected to so much more, its whelming, deepening and the reverberations have gone to unfathomable depths and equal heights into the Universe. Our prayers heard… Inner eyes seeing new lands, that will  be walked and thoroughly consumed…

And I weep in this knowing…. I weep today…

Our very lives are prayers lived… a borderless feeling…

Seeded with Stones

I am growing a plantation
In my heart.
It’s been seeded with stones
Leaves, shells and fish bones.
Seals might grow next to 
A grove of eagles.
I will water it with my tears and saliva. 

Tiny ears of dormice will appear
Breaking through the morning suns greeting
Rainbows will hoe the ground to make anew
Once the harvest of a million little Earths
Growing like bells have been gathered. 
These will be strewn across the heavens.
I will tend the tender shoots
Of the gossamer Souls vine like reaching.

Come sit with me 
Climb into my Hearts Plantation
Where freedom lives and breathes clear air. 
You will notice its beat sounds like oceans movement.
You will taste honey as bees land on your
Feet.
Come – climb within
And Hear My Love.

Recipe for Beginning

Recipe for Beginning

Take Seven Directions

And blend them with an oak wand

In a clay bowl made of your hands.

Stir,

Feel, see, the heat of rising sun whooshing

To whirl with fire and noon,

Tempered by water and swimming things in a mix,

To set in stone with rattles shaking your bones.

Take this all to bed with you,

Make love to them with all of you…

Dream of Trees limbs shooting out your ears and eyes

Root deeply… hear the sound of the earth

Be the silent eyes of the mountain rooted,

With ages of knowing and the rumble

Of the deep earths core.

Lie on the beach, limp, with the water lap,  lapping you

Lifting you with each surge.

Deeper, higher into suns flame while the Sky watches

The center of you washing magic in…

Awaken to bake this all

Into words,

That can Feed the World.

Nourish.

Walk with light visible on your heels,

Don’t ascend yet.

There is too much to tell… 

Unfurling You

I see you,

I know you…

Your sap rises unbidden,

Fleshing out those limbs unseen

Your back arches looking up

Into the Bright Fire

Wide Sky,

Feeling the crackle in your limbs

Unfolding in tenuous shivering not perceived by the naked eye

Only You ~

KNOW

What blossoming

Unfurls 

Discernment is a very fine, close cousin to Intuition…

The Western Cape Spring brings even more magic than usual, Proteas, Pincushions, a million pink, yellow, tiny purple faces opening to the day. I have a particular gnarled squat tree that I head up to go and sit beside, when called to do so. I had not been for a while but was eyeing the huge Pincushion bushes  on route to it… so out of a desire to see one of my favourite Protea types, I headed up. It’s a lovely meandering narrow walk, and I am so aware that  the rock and sand I tread upon was under the ocean millions of years ago. 

The rock formations here show the water erosion well… As I got closer, I could feel the frown of puzzlement forming on my brow. It was NOT a Pincushion bush! I would have sworn it was when I looked at it from afar… no less beautiful though…

Another incident -

A few days ago I was meandering to a deli In Kommetjie (10km away from me, no shops in my town for eggs and other goodies!) when I spotted a Porcupine quill in the road! Porcupine is one of my animal totems, so I slowed down, pulled over and went to retrieve it. It was a beautiful striped stick! Not what I thought it was…

Now these two incidences added to what I had been thinking about for some time, around peoples posts on Social Media sites. My eyebrows are raised at what is seen to be true, “photoshopped true” , mass hysteria “ true”… etc…

Discernment is a very fine close cousin to Intuition…

Just because something has been presented and mass shared, liked, angry shared, outrage shared – does not mean it is necessarily REAL…

Use this fine tool Beautiful Shining Ones… Do not lose yourself in hysteria, or amazement. Rather look up from your screen, take a walk outside and rather be fooled by mother natures cleverness. This is true…

I looked down on my birthing Being, light as Air I became the Wing of birds

I am starting to see that I could possibly be more in tune with All that Is if I were Receptive. It feels as if my most natural learning state is Receptive. I see, hear, taste, touch, ingest, take in. This is all a receiving state. I believe I will serve myself better if I begin to step towards this more fully. This Seeing has been arriving in this last month of learning with Grandmother Robin… My life has been giving, teaching, writing, this last 8 years, and suddenly I am in this Grace of receiving. Tears spill as I write this. What a profound blessing.

With this epiphany still incubating. I stepped out of my car to the biting wind, to ready myself to Dance with Horses and Sisters. We smudged, we shared, we heart resonated and then it began…

I was lifted into the East, I rose, I soared, bright flaming Yellow, I looked down on my birthing Being, light as Air I became the Wing of birds, I AM, no thought, and slowly descended, called to Home… within a few heartbeats, I was filled with Excitement, passion, my body FIRE as I stomped the earth and whirled into the heat of the day, my blood, red pumping coursing… I was within the hooved Ones, great heart beating Oh I was the Movement, my arms windmills, air still around me fuelling my fire…to dive straight into the Ocean, Westwards, I swam, tears joining the sweat on my face, seeing myself fully reflected in my Sisters, the colour of night deeply moving me, between, balanced… I shimmered into the landscape from Shore, to be still, to stand, I was Mountain North, Stone and Standing Ones. Those ones who move in another time dimension of slowness and wisdom… In gratitude and still serenity, the ones who were before me, were with me… Bright White, still still still…

Coming round from these cardinal directions, (synonyms  for cardinal are: important, significant, chief, key, fundamental) I suddenly was aware of how I was not me. My body not mine, I was my Sisters, I was all that danced me… I think we all needed to find our feet before We/I… swept into the Void, Father Sky, vastness of Eternity no longer a concept, but a knowing. I floated, We/I hummed the Universe, our arms reaching wide as we can stretch bringing Mother Earth through our beating Feet, rolling onto the ground, forehead to Earth, incubations arising, knowing that all is possible….weaving into Magic, enlivening, Oneness with all… and all the colours of my Being shimmering bow like across All That Is…

A Horse blessing to my forehead, loving my Sisters, a haze of directions followed me home, I felt the presence, saw how each element flowed into the other. And my connection to All – being danced by the Directions has given me a different Course within… receptively I will gently approach a different way of being… My HeartsHands ready to receive… 

Dare, face any storm you wish, and feel the between spaces in your hearts limbs…

Fallow times of great growth has Spring pushing in me. The cold with the springs promise - between places. I love shifting spaces, it reminds me of my own internal landscape that has the winds blowing through and altering the dunes of my being.

To live with the seasons being able to flow into and around me has been one of the greatest gifts that I have ever given myself. I cannot even imagine that I was owned by a large corporation 3 years ago. I felt boxed, limited, controlled, and was so often in “trouble” because I refused to be a sheeple.

The past week I have been so thrilled by the storms hitting the Cape. I dared to go down to the beach when I knew that rain was sweeping across the ocean. I’ve learned to read the speed at which wild rains approach (always quicker than you think!) but still I dared. I dared to feel the biting cold because the Ocean called me. I stood before her magnificence, closed my eyes… her booming voice of a thousand memories reverberated through my heart. I opened my eyes, and the salt from me dripped onto the beach. It was tempting to lie on the wet sand and just let the storm come and wash over me. Cold and wet did not have its appeal that day though. I turned and did not look back or rather across my porch till I reached home… just in time.

I read something this week that really stirred me. It was all about risk, we are here to do this in increments or large forms… I would like to share what I read. It lives in me:

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could." Louise Erdrich from The Painted Drum.

Dare, face any storm you wish, and feel the between spaces in your hearts limbs…

Thanks be unto cusps, transitions and wing tips….

Transition – to change, a conversion, shift, move over

Cusp – an apex, peak, end

To be within the cusp of a transition is all of this, and more. To find the strangeness within your body, an unnamed unfamiliar feeling that cannot be placed. I am sure that we all have been in this space, but do we pay attention to the feelings that move when such a time is immediately apparent?

I find myself in the centre of this whirlwind, a still point with the dust of events that led to this point whirling around me. I close my eyes and can touch the edges standing in this strange country side. I know that I am in between, its dusk, dawn and all the in betweens that I can think of…

Shores edge

                        Wing tip

                                        Skin on water

                                                                   Naked heart

I am aware that this is indeed a sacred place. To know this place consciously is to also know that it needs to properly honoured, and the best way to accept this change is to celebrate it. If you are leaving a job, healing from a relationship ending, or new home… get out the flowers and offer them unto yourself. Have some Champagne, dance, sit quietly but mark this time, put an X next to it on your diary.

My manner is of course to walk the beach and offer a thing plucked from the whirlwinds centre and let it float into the ocean.

Thanks be unto cusps, transitions and wing tips….

I sometimes think that if I had been born to see rainbows in unexpected places it would be a life worth lived.

As I wandered down the road I wondered how many tears we shed in life?  Is it a roomful of tissue boxes, toilet paper, serviettes, napkins, sleeves and hands? And the reasons always seem on a balanced scale.

A cloud bow seen

A parent lost

Overwhelming love of something/someone

A relationship bump/loss

And randomly, Mary’s words came to me floating up through some stashed memory:

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” Mary Oliver

The Okapis stared at me as warily as we sometimes look at life; I tread carefully past them at the conservation fence.

I had just finished reading the Book Thief and my mind was on all the things that moved me. My father’s stories of the War were very much alive in these pages. I could have been reading about him and his family. I was in tears when I put the book down. Weeping for a few reasons. 

We might as well add all other reasons to weep when we actually do. 

So I gave room for this. My pug looking at me with equally mournful deep brown eyes. She licked the tears that dropped onto my hands.  And of course a few words began to shimmer round me, the road and beach called to build these thoughts into something I could share.

Frogs clicking in the river, and eventually, ocean roaring, as I sat, a miracle visited itself upon me.

I looked up, and saw the clouds haloed round the sun in fractured rainbow patterns. I think I stopped breathing for a while before my heart welled in deep acknowledgement of this silent blessing. I sometimes think that if I had been born to see rainbows in unexpected places it would be a life worth lived.

My return crunching feet were still full of what I had read, but I was also carrying a container of Cloud Bows. 

The Sugarbrid drank deep from its simple surroundings

Vexing times it seems all due to this Grand Cardinal cross that is meandering over us.

I have been tossed by tides of emotions veering from anger to deep, deep sadness. I have not been paying heed to my need to walk, so I took to the beach just before sunset this eve. I felt I needed to move briskly, this I did, and I had worked up a sheen on my face as I reached the beach. I did not stop my particular movement, untill I reached the rocks on the other side, where I fiddled and fussed where I would plant myself.

As I settled down against a rock, a beautiful large ridge back dog came to rest his face on me, a blessing. And I squinted against the sun, and laughed. The gnats and beach insects were busy as my mind but small. I sat in thought, and saw the two images of the beaches that I have lived in close proximity to, had such clear metaphors. My Gordons bay home was expansive, and yet I rattled in it not having enough to fill it. The beloved beach that I built a labyrinth on was a short walk away, and I used to take to it every morning before I began my day. It was an unusual time… I was alone in my home for the first time ever in my life, daughters both in their own spaces. 

It was a beautiful time of re discovering self. The beach was a busy space, wonderful for the time. Yet there were some things about it that really did not sit right with me. Dog owners were persecuted by the Police (me too) saying they were not allowed there… and busloads of raucous people arrived over weekends and left the beaches in a sad state. It used to anger and hurt me to see this. What I clearly saw today was the beach and its untidiness, and  busyness actually was indicative of the rampant state my mind was in, life was in. The house was a mask of what I did not possess materially either. The short walk to the beach also a metaphor for me wanting quick fixes, action, movement which do not really yield long lasting results.  By building a labyrinth, I had made a statement about where I wished to be within. I was moving towards stillness.

My beach now, takes some movement to get to, its a steep walk down the mountain, no quick fix… it is also quiet, no bus loads of people, clean, with dogs welcome. My home is much smaller, and I do not rattle, my few possessions fitting perfectly. The view, my dears the view is unsurpassed. I can see far and wide from my wooden perch. My inner state is clearer, my material world richer and I too am still within (most of the time). 

I sat until the sun dipped beneath the metallic blue sea. I meandered home slowly and as I reached my home, I saw the Sugarbird that is gracing the large Protea bush just outside my gate. It was dipping its beak deep into the Protea, taking sweet nourishment from its simple surroundings, and how splendid is that? Thank you Sugarbird, this is what I will do. I might still have grumpys and sads, but I shall drink deep from my surroundings, and just allow the winds within to move over me as they will pass, and bring anew. 

Read more about the vexing Grand Cardinal Cross here: http://www.mysticmamma.com/grand-cross-april-2014-astral-insights/ and here http://www.mysticmamma.com/make-room-for-happiness/)

I got out the car and prostrated myself... face down on the warm ground...

I spent the morning with a Beautiful Shaman (Lyn De La Motte) who related her journey in clear words, and her teachings with the same clarity. I know that she will enter somewhere as a particular plant teacher, her method of climbing into the plant, loving it… knowing its
Spirit resonates with how I live.

I meandered into Mall land to enjoy my shopping, loving my money as I spent it on things that I love (Food! Wine! Spices!) I did feel a bit like a Ghost as I was so caught up in savouring my morning with Wolves and Shamans. (yes Wolves, Leila’s amber eyes remain with me) I popped in to see my Beloved to collect a gift for my daughter, Petra – a pug jersey! For a pug fan, a precious gift from a heart that loves.

Still I had a feeling of welling growing. It’s been sitting deep since listening to Galeo’s talk.

I Love This Blue Spaceship

I love The Wilds where I live

And I am so restless to do my work as I walk the land…

And on the home stretch today, as I turned the bend. My eyes spilled, the rushing, roaring, tumbling breakers with their streams of white and rainbow manes had me stop. I drew off the road and simply sat and watched. I looked up to the mountain, the strong presence… the mighty ocean, next to each other. Me in the center of this.

I got out the car and prostrated myself... face down on the warm ground...

And now here, I see the rivers dam rippling, dots of people weaving on the beach, bird song fresh and new, oh – I know that I am truly blessed….

I identified with the lone wolf, wandering off to find my way

A beautiful Autumns day dawned. Oceans ever present sigh and the days morning songs softly in the air. But this morning I was deaf to this. I awoke with a mind full. Full of self imposed unkind things milling about. It felt like (and right now still does) a swarm of gnats, unwanted. Swatting my head is not an option!

So what do I do with this? Do I pay heed to any of the thoughts? I am left with a Yes and a No. Today I will sift through those that feel most dominant to see if they are true still or not. There have been many years of some thoughts being true, but many have been worked through, and some gnats are just ghosts.  I know there will some validity to certain feelings of inadequacy. To then sit, and embrace them deeply, hold them close and tight. Put them on my lap and love them because they are me and need to be closely loved and seen.

How did this jumble arrive? I will touch on one of the thoughts that is deeply present.  I realise that I live far away and am solitary, because I actually feel socially inadequate.

I attended a wonderful talk last night by a lovely Being who spoke of his upcoming journey to follow the tracks of OR7, a wolf who left his pack in Oregon and walked all the way to California…

This wolf stirred so much within me. Here he is, doing what wolves naturally do in the wild. They sometimes just wander off and seek new grounds, to start afresh. If they should meet other wolves a new pack is formed. And they live their beautiful wolf lives free as they should.

I identified with the lone wolf, wandering off to find my way. Sometimes I think I have found my pack, today I feel like I have not. And whose doing is this? Mine entirely. 

There are many layers to this story that has touched me.

I looked around on the evening, spoke to random people who I have no idea if I will ever see again. Not even the presence of my Beloved, tea with her and a friend of hers in her sacred home space could stop the rising tide in me. I went home awash with layers and layers of emotions arising…

I will sift through these layers today. I have work to do. And perhaps I should just realise that I am a lone wolf and leave it at that. Perhaps I am not meant to find my pack? I need to maybe be kind about that…

I shall of course walk and listen and see to find some answers, and sometime in the day I will hear the world around me. 

Follow OR7 tracks with these humans who want to build co-existence bridges:

http://or7expedition.org/

Silence fuller than a spoken word

My steps falling in gratitude as I re walked the short Medicine Route that was walked with my Sisters In Circle. I was aware the route that I was taking was forever altered by the footsteps of Light that walked with me in the same space and thoughtfulness. A pathway of breath, feelings, minds that each in their own way silently wove a new tapestry into my soul.

I largely live a silent life, where spoken words are rare. And my life is pretty much walks, writing and of course teaching when I need to in between. The shared silence we had however was so FULL. Silence fuller than a spoken word. It was such an intimate space to be in, so sacred. It was difficult to speak when we returned, as if we were carrying something really profound.

Milkwoods bent their slow movement as I bowed to them, thanking them for their unique space that they hold. Waters edge, crashing waves, warm rocks… I sat with tears in gratitude for the Wisdom of the Land. I was aware of the web of each echo system upholding the other just as we should…

Each dear Sister carried their blessings into spoken words, releasing them as birds into the air. Feathered light things that were bright with the light as they poured forth in the truth felt. I could see the WORD’s silently leaving on these wings off the balcony and landing softly on the land, high into the sky and settling in the leaves.

When truth is seen, felt and spoken – it alters the fabric of the moment… thank you to the Light Beings that shared my space – thanks dear ones, deep gratitude.

Post Note:

How appropriate that Oriah Mountain Dreamers post today was this –

"I ache for shared silence, not the awkward lulls in conversation where we reach for something- anything- to cover the tension of trying to be with too much of the other and too little of ourselves, but the moments of fullness that let each of us unfold and know who we really are. I long for silences with another where there is nothing to forgive or explain or justify, where we agree to abandon quickly spoken words for a time so we do not abandon ourselves or each other, the silences where no one asks me to choose between belonging to myself and being with the world. And when these silences come, I feel how I am working my way home through whatever they hold- terror or tenderness, grief or celebration- spiralling ever-closer to a sweetness I have ached for all my life." ~Oriah Mountain Dreamer from THE DANCE

May we find some shared silence today- where we are present with each other and whatever the silence holds. How sweet and intimate it is to be able to truly be together with or without words.”

We need not ache anymore do we dear ones?  – come walk again… 

This post is dedicated to Ainsley who is my support in all that I walk in... thank you Beloved One.

Autumn’s hands are caressing the oaks

Cooler mornings as Summer dips into her depth. My hands top the tips of the soft plants that line the steep mountain pathway. I breath in the cooler air deeply, some plants are transitioning into a slumber state.

I have had a week of  deep thinking as I have mentally prepared to take my Sisters in Circle for a short Medicine walk. Walking the land is an answer to everything that I feel moving in me. I go to The Wilds when an answer needs to be found. And been deeply aware of my soul friends in the plants, rocks, creatures as I have prepared.

I was so aware of Autumn’s hands caressing the oaks while driving yesterday. My eyes caught the tops of many other trees having had the same touch… then my eyes alighted upon the Evergreens. I became aware of an otherness that I had not been aware of about their energy. I felt the pace of their life being something slower than the trees that awaken and slumber in their own cycles. That their greenness carried a deep slow ray of Hope. That their colour that remains the same most of the year was a promise that spoke loudly in colder parts of out planet where snow blankets and greyness is part of winters sights.

I am deeply moved by this. The wisdom of the Land, the deep wisdom of this planet that so supports our very existence in everything that is to be seen. As I walked this morning a Sentiency surrounded me unlike before. A year ago I declared to All looking over the ocean and a river that I wished to walk the Wilds with people, and this is unfolding in its slow wisdom the way the seasons turn.

I do not have words for my gratitude that ALL supports this journey of mine… thank you, thank you Me, thank YOU… thanks be unto the Earth…

My world is slowly changing the coverings and masks are receding

I walked past the gnarled rock, its eddies and dips telling of a time long ago when it lived beneath the sea. It surely had fish swimming in and out of the little caves.

Then the world slowly changed and the ocean receded and this beautiful rock stands proud, a home to new creatures. It is bare, not pretty in the usual sense, it just is and is magnificent.

I felt the same as I looked in the mirror this morning and decided to keep my face the way it is, because I feel beautiful today… no make up, I am as you all know grey haired, but the naked face gives another insight… I put make up on because culturally this is somehow ingrained in me. But more often than not I find myself not doing this. I wear my home clothes, oldest jeans (hand me downs from Farrah actually!) frayed and sitting right on the hips. Old tie dye T-shirt and “plakkies” on my feet. Perhaps living in the wilds has me caring less about what the world sees, because the world really does not see. They do not see when I have make up on or not, or if I have my old jeans on…

Yes no one looks. But they do feel… we are far more wired to feeling what a person exudes than what we think. Wired for truth too, we know when things are amiss, we feel the anger in a persons hurried walk.

Today I am more concerned about what I am projecting. Is the Beauty that I feel from within a shining light? I would rather be seen for this…

My world is slowly changing the coverings and masks are receding and this beautiful Me, stands proud, a home to a sense of self. I am bare, not pretty in the usual sense, I AM magnificent.

And now I will pop down to the shops close by in my bakkie that needs washing, my old clothes and bare face... and simply be me. 

The only perfection to be found is the place of stillness in me that I cultivate like a flame.

My eyes flicker open, first awareness is that I am blessed to awaken when my body wants to. Stretching, my breath deep – another day to walk in a soft way. My happy dogs delight in the mornings promise, stumbling over my shoes wagging themselves into a state. The wide world sings to me as I look across the view that is presented on my morning walk with my dogs. This is sacred time – I say my I Am prayers as I turn 360 degrees declaring my life…

The world is my Temple. Sacred time, and I mean it in the context of preparing for my day because my entire day is an opportunity to stay in Divine space and make a difference to myself and others…

But I am also pleased to go home to my sacred prayer space in my home. It holds my altar, with objects of spiritual significance to me. I love it… it has changed over the years. Some things have been added and taken away, evolving as I have. This is where I truly drop into an altered state, breathing deeply, this is where I still myself for the day… by the time that half hour is done, I am relaxed and prepared for whatever may come my way. I truly treasure this space, this is my church, this is where prayers, manifestations, declarations take place. The walls are shining with wonder… you will feel this when you come into this room…

Mindfully present of self and my Divinity I do my utmost to take this into all of my emails, communications and when I teach I do this too. 

And no, I don’t always stay in that space… watch me grumble at cyclists abreast of one another on the winding road from Scarborough to town… see me catch a memory of my loved Salem who left my side in December, and tears will simply flow. I carry the full emotions of being grumpy, sad and fearful just as much as the next person. But the thing is… I love my human self. I am the full range of me, created in this form. I will not ignore all the things that arise within. I most often sit with them, allowing them to present, but try my utmost not to be reactive. 

Seeking enlightenment is not an easy way out to Nirvana. The only perfection to be found is the place of stillness in me that I cultivate like a flame. 

Make space for the full range of you. Don’t run away from your emotions – just be with it… but if there is any advice I can give – make space in the beginning of your day to be still and try and carry this flame around, observe what winds make it want to flicker out, or what makes it grow and expand…you ARE Love…

A Medicine dream

 A restless night with dreams of Porcupine quills and bright feathers in my hair had me waking an October morning – to a compulsion. To walk, what is new you might ask? Well this was a different feeling, not just a walk but a need to walk further and leave the dogs behind. After a hearty breakfast, I packed my little bag with water and wine gums and set off. At first I thought that I would walk to Misty cliffs, but as I got there, it came to me to walk to Kommetjie, a 9km walk one direction. I wondered I was prepared enough, but I went on anyway.

As I walked, I decided to retell my life story as from this point forward. I imagined Grandchildren sitting in front of me, my daughters and my Beloved beside me. I told of this walk that I was doing and all the richness and wonder that followed. A fine tale was weaved. My shoes I realised in between all this weaving were not exactly fit for use anymore, but I walked on. Now the scenery between Scarborough and Kommetjie sea route is one of the most astoundingly beautiful in the world. Still relatively wild, the ocean below crashing and moving as I walked and talked. Ravens flew up high cawing, encouraging me I hoped and by the time I got to Kommetjie I was rather foot sore. I popped into a local  pub and had an ice cold beer and headed back home.

As I trudged up the first portion of steep hill out of Kommetjie, I saw something that stopped me in my tracks. Heart beat in throat, I bent down to pick dozens of Porcupine Quills I gathered them up, and as I did so I fell into a vision of me having a Nguni cow hide being placed on my shoulders and the porcupine quills in a white headband… a few months later a random incident (not so random though) had someone out of the blue gifting me with a Nguni skin covered notebook with a  Porcupine Quill as the place holder holding it closed…

I understand that I need to know the plant medicines of Africa – this is my path with Africa and the Porcupine being my Power Animal here…

Last week while walking, and while pondering over the fact that there is NOTHING that wants me to be a Sangoma in the African tradition, a quiet voice came to me as I spoke to the plants and thanked them for their beauty. 

Tass – stop your struggle. You are a Medicine Woman…

I felt lame as I saw the Feathers from my dream making sense (I keep getting gifted with feathers in my path, Raven, Robin  never mind the random porcupine quills I even find in the streets)

A medicine journey this last weekend had me journeying to meet my inner Serpent… I jumped through an Apple tree into the underworld… and met my Serpent in a cave of brilliant white crystals. The Serpent had two heads – the one I fed a Large Red apple (and the other head I fed Spirits (not sure if it was wine?) Well I puzzled over this but knew if I let it alone the meaning would become evident.

On the same day I spoke to a dear friend Gerri and asked her who she knew that could assist in formalising my Shamanic studies… and Robin Youngbloods name came up again…

Well the puzzle fell into place while making my bed on Sunday night (no surprises there it’s a no mind state event!) I am to follow the two paths. One African Medicinal Plants and the Red Path. I looked at Robin Youngblood’s book too, read the opening chapters and knew that it is her that I needed to speak to… How doors fly open when the time is right. I have met an amazing teacher, whose teachings sing in my blood!

How wonderful that I now know where to go… this is my path, this is the consolidation that I seek – and I invite all who wish to answer their call to being Shamans and formalising their teachings to sign up now…

Ministerial Training: Preparation for Ordination as a Shamanic Minister of Church of the Earth

Robins plea and wisdom - 

"Upon graduation, you will become an ordained minister of Church of the Earth, which is a certification you can register with your government in order to perform weddings, etc. legally. As well, this training is a way to unify many different healing modalities rooted in Shamanic History, through one lineage, in order to provide one with authority and authenticity. As we all know, there are far too many people offering ceremonies who have not received the Initiations and Rites to do so. This is actually dangerous to participants, and, from watching this, I've decided to take responsibility for passing on what I've learned from the Elders, in order to ensure that the body of students who work with me are providing safe, secure, sacred space for whatever they do, in service to the greater good."

This course is  Two years, on skype and email, including two five-day sessions at NuWotiWalela or in one of Church of the Earth’s International Centers, $4,900

Subjects Covered:

Philosophy: Tenets; Beliefs & Practices; Shamanic History and Perspectives; Understanding the Shamanic Path; Using the Medicine Wheel

Personal Preparation: Clearing Obstacles; Connecting to All Our Relations; Identifying Masks & Mirrors; Aligning with Father Sky & Mother Earth; Setting Intention; Identifying & Activating Your Gifts; Awakening Passionate Purpose; Living in Authenticity & Balance

Spiritual Counseling: Clearing; Becoming a Hollow Bone; Checks & Balances; Aura Cleansing; Chakra Balancing; Spiritual Touch; DNA Activation; Understanding the Medicine Wheel: A Compass for Life; MW Constellation for Individuals and Groups; Shamanic Journeying; Extraction & Depossession; Soul Retrieval

Ceremonial Training: Clearing Space; Creating Sacred Space; Providing Protection; Preparation & Facilitation; Designing Individual & Group Ceremonies and Rituals; Holding Intention; Manifestation; Following the Ceremonial Calendar

Teaching: Designing Workshops; Preparation; Organization & Facilitation; Transformational Processes; On-Going Support

Community: Creating & Maintaining Community; MW Relationship Training; Community Outreach; Community Visioning; Community Projects: Design, Preparation, Co-Creation & Process

Missions: WorldWeavers Outreach Projects; Creating Sustainable Venues and Facilities ~ Viral and Land-Based Villages; Fundraising; Social Networking; International Communications; Global Co-Creation

This is a two year course, via bi-weekly skype sessions and email, and including two five-day retreats at the beautiful NuWotiWalela Sanctuary on Church of the Earth’s land in Washington state. Students will work in groups of four-seven individuals, with assignments from Reverend Youngblood, reports and sharing in each skype session, with individual email sessions between. Retreats will give on-hands experiential training between students, as well as offering group sessions on building a ministry and community. This course is a contractual COMMITMENT: once accepted, students are expected to continue through graduation and ordination.

Website: Church of the Earth*

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