The stillness of the oceans roar crashed through me

When I speak of stillness I refer to the absence of man made noises and that includes speech. I have found a new space to walk and live and be the free spirit that I am. My brief sojourn in the city had me aching for this.

One of the first days of being here in Scarborough I wandered down to the furthest point where fences keep us out of the Cape of Good Hope nature reserve. I sat down – not a soul in sight that I could perceive. And the stillness of the oceans roar crashed through me. There is something particular too of the ocean retreating over rocks and the music it makes that lulled me. I sat for sometime and began to be aware of the roar within. I have been holding so much in check of late. Not allowing my fears to surface, ignoring them. I saw then in a very slamming way of how unnatural this is. We are so indoctrinated not to feel what is considered to be “bad”. I wandered back to my new home still holding in (yes still behaving within some weird rule that says don’t meltdown in public even though there was no public to speak of) and sat on my porch and had the meltdown that was much needed.

Had I listened to my inner compass – I might not have needed meltdown. And in the softened space of this thought – more softness arrived to reassure me that I did what I did for many reasons that are not destructive, but rather in a certain measure of kindness towards myself. I decided not to beat myself up about it and just be more aware of when I do hold myself in check and tot then allow what is needed to surface in its own way. To see the sadness, fears and longings as they arrive, acknowledge them, allow them. Cry, roar if needed – THEN find the vibration of that which I would prefer to have in my world.

Go somewhere today and let your roar crash through you.