I essentially felt like an Elf stepping into a city.

I sat in my quiet time this morning watching wave bows spray their brief colored blessings. In deep reflection, I unpacked my emotions and insights from my afternoon spent with a Circle of Sisters. Each Being carrying a unique gift. I dared to step into an underbelly space with my thoughts. No one can escape their childhood – no one can. Mine was safe and wonderful with my family but we moved around a lot. I went to six schools in different towns, and it branded me. It left a mark on my personality. I would always be the new one, and to overcome that I made many masks to wear, to gain the acceptance of my peers, funny, articulate and on the face of it quite adjusted. Yet, I went home, buried myself in books, did not join in the madness of teen parties and essentially felt like an Elf stepping into a city. My own manner of being spiritual was also foreign to the body of Calvinists and Catholics. Wicca was my rhythm, it came naturally... so the setting apart became something deliberate perhaps. It became something I could carry with me where ever we went, the Blue Spaceship of home would always be with me and nurture me. 

I carried the masks deep into my adulthood. It is only in my later years that I have begun to find my authenticity, dropped my masks and have become who I actually am. A quiet person, prone to deep reflection, solitary. Since leaving my corporate job two years ago, I have fundamentally been a hermit since… just finding my voice. It’s a still one, my Medicine is silence…

And there I sat on the lawn, the newbie again, in a circle of people who have walked a path with one another and I felt the same things arising again. I found myself exercising my lack of masks, being still and only really speaking when it was called for. I wondered what I could bring to these women? What authentic little Light am I? How may I serve this little community?

The afternoon was spent observing the other Lights around me. That is what I do, I See. Each women’s own Beingness shone through in the art that they created, each one bringing something so real and vulnerable really. It has given me great reassurance. I will begin to find a way of living into the world again with these sister. I look forward to being a part of the Whole they seem to bring. I am grateful…