Friday 13 September 2013

The night sky is a scattering of seeds of light.

I refer to another blog of mine written two months ago “My Internal Space Another Country”. Where my last words were “I have been heard” and have I! The power of “imageneering” and being the architect of your own world by using feelings and clear visualisation is staggering. I have brought to me exactly what I wanted… Views from a Mountain across the ocean in a wild place. Perched on stilts in my wooden cottage I feel like a Queen.

I found myself growing down today as I tramped the mountain hopping from one rock to another. When the night began to fall, and the chill that began sinking into me, I grudgingly went back home. I became aware of the very same feeling of being called in for the night when I was a child. That lovely memory of feeling free and loving this world as a child, and wanting as much of it as I can, had me smiling.

I have marvelled at the rock formations here. Sculpture that only mother earth can create – and of how very tiny I am actually. Scarborough mountains, and most of the region were once beneath the sea. The pock marked rounded eddies of water erosion is evident everywhere. It is also so still…I have spotted fynbos and grasses that I have never seen, and fat black shiny lizards common to this region are abound.

As evening set in, I glanced above me and gasped - the night sky was a clear scattering of seeds of light.


I might have found home…

Monday 9 September 2013

The stillness of the oceans roar crashed through me

When I speak of stillness I refer to the absence of man made noises and that includes speech. I have found a new space to walk and live and be the free spirit that I am. My brief sojourn in the city had me aching for this.

One of the first days of being here in Scarborough I wandered down to the furthest point where fences keep us out of the Cape of Good Hope nature reserve. I sat down – not a soul in sight that I could perceive. And the stillness of the oceans roar crashed through me. There is something particular too of the ocean retreating over rocks and the music it makes that lulled me. I sat for sometime and began to be aware of the roar within. I have been holding so much in check of late. Not allowing my fears to surface, ignoring them. I saw then in a very slamming way of how unnatural this is. We are so indoctrinated not to feel what is considered to be “bad”. I wandered back to my new home still holding in (yes still behaving within some weird rule that says don’t meltdown in public even though there was no public to speak of) and sat on my porch and had the meltdown that was much needed.

Had I listened to my inner compass – I might not have needed meltdown. And in the softened space of this thought – more softness arrived to reassure me that I did what I did for many reasons that are not destructive, but rather in a certain measure of kindness towards myself. I decided not to beat myself up about it and just be more aware of when I do hold myself in check and tot then allow what is needed to surface in its own way. To see the sadness, fears and longings as they arrive, acknowledge them, allow them. Cry, roar if needed – THEN find the vibration of that which I would prefer to have in my world.

Go somewhere today and let your roar crash through you.