The Sugarbrid drank deep from its simple surroundings

Vexing times it seems all due to this Grand Cardinal cross that is meandering over us.

I have been tossed by tides of emotions veering from anger to deep, deep sadness. I have not been paying heed to my need to walk, so I took to the beach just before sunset this eve. I felt I needed to move briskly, this I did, and I had worked up a sheen on my face as I reached the beach. I did not stop my particular movement, untill I reached the rocks on the other side, where I fiddled and fussed where I would plant myself.

As I settled down against a rock, a beautiful large ridge back dog came to rest his face on me, a blessing. And I squinted against the sun, and laughed. The gnats and beach insects were busy as my mind but small. I sat in thought, and saw the two images of the beaches that I have lived in close proximity to, had such clear metaphors. My Gordons bay home was expansive, and yet I rattled in it not having enough to fill it. The beloved beach that I built a labyrinth on was a short walk away, and I used to take to it every morning before I began my day. It was an unusual time… I was alone in my home for the first time ever in my life, daughters both in their own spaces. 

It was a beautiful time of re discovering self. The beach was a busy space, wonderful for the time. Yet there were some things about it that really did not sit right with me. Dog owners were persecuted by the Police (me too) saying they were not allowed there… and busloads of raucous people arrived over weekends and left the beaches in a sad state. It used to anger and hurt me to see this. What I clearly saw today was the beach and its untidiness, and  busyness actually was indicative of the rampant state my mind was in, life was in. The house was a mask of what I did not possess materially either. The short walk to the beach also a metaphor for me wanting quick fixes, action, movement which do not really yield long lasting results.  By building a labyrinth, I had made a statement about where I wished to be within. I was moving towards stillness.

My beach now, takes some movement to get to, its a steep walk down the mountain, no quick fix… it is also quiet, no bus loads of people, clean, with dogs welcome. My home is much smaller, and I do not rattle, my few possessions fitting perfectly. The view, my dears the view is unsurpassed. I can see far and wide from my wooden perch. My inner state is clearer, my material world richer and I too am still within (most of the time). 

I sat until the sun dipped beneath the metallic blue sea. I meandered home slowly and as I reached my home, I saw the Sugarbird that is gracing the large Protea bush just outside my gate. It was dipping its beak deep into the Protea, taking sweet nourishment from its simple surroundings, and how splendid is that? Thank you Sugarbird, this is what I will do. I might still have grumpys and sads, but I shall drink deep from my surroundings, and just allow the winds within to move over me as they will pass, and bring anew. 

Read more about the vexing Grand Cardinal Cross here: http://www.mysticmamma.com/grand-cross-april-2014-astral-insights/ and here http://www.mysticmamma.com/make-room-for-happiness/)

I got out the car and prostrated myself... face down on the warm ground...

I spent the morning with a Beautiful Shaman (Lyn De La Motte) who related her journey in clear words, and her teachings with the same clarity. I know that she will enter somewhere as a particular plant teacher, her method of climbing into the plant, loving it… knowing its
Spirit resonates with how I live.

I meandered into Mall land to enjoy my shopping, loving my money as I spent it on things that I love (Food! Wine! Spices!) I did feel a bit like a Ghost as I was so caught up in savouring my morning with Wolves and Shamans. (yes Wolves, Leila’s amber eyes remain with me) I popped in to see my Beloved to collect a gift for my daughter, Petra – a pug jersey! For a pug fan, a precious gift from a heart that loves.

Still I had a feeling of welling growing. It’s been sitting deep since listening to Galeo’s talk.

I Love This Blue Spaceship

I love The Wilds where I live

And I am so restless to do my work as I walk the land…

And on the home stretch today, as I turned the bend. My eyes spilled, the rushing, roaring, tumbling breakers with their streams of white and rainbow manes had me stop. I drew off the road and simply sat and watched. I looked up to the mountain, the strong presence… the mighty ocean, next to each other. Me in the center of this.

I got out the car and prostrated myself... face down on the warm ground...

And now here, I see the rivers dam rippling, dots of people weaving on the beach, bird song fresh and new, oh – I know that I am truly blessed….

I identified with the lone wolf, wandering off to find my way

A beautiful Autumns day dawned. Oceans ever present sigh and the days morning songs softly in the air. But this morning I was deaf to this. I awoke with a mind full. Full of self imposed unkind things milling about. It felt like (and right now still does) a swarm of gnats, unwanted. Swatting my head is not an option!

So what do I do with this? Do I pay heed to any of the thoughts? I am left with a Yes and a No. Today I will sift through those that feel most dominant to see if they are true still or not. There have been many years of some thoughts being true, but many have been worked through, and some gnats are just ghosts.  I know there will some validity to certain feelings of inadequacy. To then sit, and embrace them deeply, hold them close and tight. Put them on my lap and love them because they are me and need to be closely loved and seen.

How did this jumble arrive? I will touch on one of the thoughts that is deeply present.  I realise that I live far away and am solitary, because I actually feel socially inadequate.

I attended a wonderful talk last night by a lovely Being who spoke of his upcoming journey to follow the tracks of OR7, a wolf who left his pack in Oregon and walked all the way to California…

This wolf stirred so much within me. Here he is, doing what wolves naturally do in the wild. They sometimes just wander off and seek new grounds, to start afresh. If they should meet other wolves a new pack is formed. And they live their beautiful wolf lives free as they should.

I identified with the lone wolf, wandering off to find my way. Sometimes I think I have found my pack, today I feel like I have not. And whose doing is this? Mine entirely. 

There are many layers to this story that has touched me.

I looked around on the evening, spoke to random people who I have no idea if I will ever see again. Not even the presence of my Beloved, tea with her and a friend of hers in her sacred home space could stop the rising tide in me. I went home awash with layers and layers of emotions arising…

I will sift through these layers today. I have work to do. And perhaps I should just realise that I am a lone wolf and leave it at that. Perhaps I am not meant to find my pack? I need to maybe be kind about that…

I shall of course walk and listen and see to find some answers, and sometime in the day I will hear the world around me. 

Follow OR7 tracks with these humans who want to build co-existence bridges:

http://or7expedition.org/

Silence fuller than a spoken word

My steps falling in gratitude as I re walked the short Medicine Route that was walked with my Sisters In Circle. I was aware the route that I was taking was forever altered by the footsteps of Light that walked with me in the same space and thoughtfulness. A pathway of breath, feelings, minds that each in their own way silently wove a new tapestry into my soul.

I largely live a silent life, where spoken words are rare. And my life is pretty much walks, writing and of course teaching when I need to in between. The shared silence we had however was so FULL. Silence fuller than a spoken word. It was such an intimate space to be in, so sacred. It was difficult to speak when we returned, as if we were carrying something really profound.

Milkwoods bent their slow movement as I bowed to them, thanking them for their unique space that they hold. Waters edge, crashing waves, warm rocks… I sat with tears in gratitude for the Wisdom of the Land. I was aware of the web of each echo system upholding the other just as we should…

Each dear Sister carried their blessings into spoken words, releasing them as birds into the air. Feathered light things that were bright with the light as they poured forth in the truth felt. I could see the WORD’s silently leaving on these wings off the balcony and landing softly on the land, high into the sky and settling in the leaves.

When truth is seen, felt and spoken – it alters the fabric of the moment… thank you to the Light Beings that shared my space – thanks dear ones, deep gratitude.

Post Note:

How appropriate that Oriah Mountain Dreamers post today was this –

"I ache for shared silence, not the awkward lulls in conversation where we reach for something- anything- to cover the tension of trying to be with too much of the other and too little of ourselves, but the moments of fullness that let each of us unfold and know who we really are. I long for silences with another where there is nothing to forgive or explain or justify, where we agree to abandon quickly spoken words for a time so we do not abandon ourselves or each other, the silences where no one asks me to choose between belonging to myself and being with the world. And when these silences come, I feel how I am working my way home through whatever they hold- terror or tenderness, grief or celebration- spiralling ever-closer to a sweetness I have ached for all my life." ~Oriah Mountain Dreamer from THE DANCE

May we find some shared silence today- where we are present with each other and whatever the silence holds. How sweet and intimate it is to be able to truly be together with or without words.”

We need not ache anymore do we dear ones?  – come walk again… 

This post is dedicated to Ainsley who is my support in all that I walk in... thank you Beloved One.

Autumn’s hands are caressing the oaks

Cooler mornings as Summer dips into her depth. My hands top the tips of the soft plants that line the steep mountain pathway. I breath in the cooler air deeply, some plants are transitioning into a slumber state.

I have had a week of  deep thinking as I have mentally prepared to take my Sisters in Circle for a short Medicine walk. Walking the land is an answer to everything that I feel moving in me. I go to The Wilds when an answer needs to be found. And been deeply aware of my soul friends in the plants, rocks, creatures as I have prepared.

I was so aware of Autumn’s hands caressing the oaks while driving yesterday. My eyes caught the tops of many other trees having had the same touch… then my eyes alighted upon the Evergreens. I became aware of an otherness that I had not been aware of about their energy. I felt the pace of their life being something slower than the trees that awaken and slumber in their own cycles. That their greenness carried a deep slow ray of Hope. That their colour that remains the same most of the year was a promise that spoke loudly in colder parts of out planet where snow blankets and greyness is part of winters sights.

I am deeply moved by this. The wisdom of the Land, the deep wisdom of this planet that so supports our very existence in everything that is to be seen. As I walked this morning a Sentiency surrounded me unlike before. A year ago I declared to All looking over the ocean and a river that I wished to walk the Wilds with people, and this is unfolding in its slow wisdom the way the seasons turn.

I do not have words for my gratitude that ALL supports this journey of mine… thank you, thank you Me, thank YOU… thanks be unto the Earth…

My world is slowly changing the coverings and masks are receding

I walked past the gnarled rock, its eddies and dips telling of a time long ago when it lived beneath the sea. It surely had fish swimming in and out of the little caves.

Then the world slowly changed and the ocean receded and this beautiful rock stands proud, a home to new creatures. It is bare, not pretty in the usual sense, it just is and is magnificent.

I felt the same as I looked in the mirror this morning and decided to keep my face the way it is, because I feel beautiful today… no make up, I am as you all know grey haired, but the naked face gives another insight… I put make up on because culturally this is somehow ingrained in me. But more often than not I find myself not doing this. I wear my home clothes, oldest jeans (hand me downs from Farrah actually!) frayed and sitting right on the hips. Old tie dye T-shirt and “plakkies” on my feet. Perhaps living in the wilds has me caring less about what the world sees, because the world really does not see. They do not see when I have make up on or not, or if I have my old jeans on…

Yes no one looks. But they do feel… we are far more wired to feeling what a person exudes than what we think. Wired for truth too, we know when things are amiss, we feel the anger in a persons hurried walk.

Today I am more concerned about what I am projecting. Is the Beauty that I feel from within a shining light? I would rather be seen for this…

My world is slowly changing the coverings and masks are receding and this beautiful Me, stands proud, a home to a sense of self. I am bare, not pretty in the usual sense, I AM magnificent.

And now I will pop down to the shops close by in my bakkie that needs washing, my old clothes and bare face... and simply be me. 

The only perfection to be found is the place of stillness in me that I cultivate like a flame.

My eyes flicker open, first awareness is that I am blessed to awaken when my body wants to. Stretching, my breath deep – another day to walk in a soft way. My happy dogs delight in the mornings promise, stumbling over my shoes wagging themselves into a state. The wide world sings to me as I look across the view that is presented on my morning walk with my dogs. This is sacred time – I say my I Am prayers as I turn 360 degrees declaring my life…

The world is my Temple. Sacred time, and I mean it in the context of preparing for my day because my entire day is an opportunity to stay in Divine space and make a difference to myself and others…

But I am also pleased to go home to my sacred prayer space in my home. It holds my altar, with objects of spiritual significance to me. I love it… it has changed over the years. Some things have been added and taken away, evolving as I have. This is where I truly drop into an altered state, breathing deeply, this is where I still myself for the day… by the time that half hour is done, I am relaxed and prepared for whatever may come my way. I truly treasure this space, this is my church, this is where prayers, manifestations, declarations take place. The walls are shining with wonder… you will feel this when you come into this room…

Mindfully present of self and my Divinity I do my utmost to take this into all of my emails, communications and when I teach I do this too. 

And no, I don’t always stay in that space… watch me grumble at cyclists abreast of one another on the winding road from Scarborough to town… see me catch a memory of my loved Salem who left my side in December, and tears will simply flow. I carry the full emotions of being grumpy, sad and fearful just as much as the next person. But the thing is… I love my human self. I am the full range of me, created in this form. I will not ignore all the things that arise within. I most often sit with them, allowing them to present, but try my utmost not to be reactive. 

Seeking enlightenment is not an easy way out to Nirvana. The only perfection to be found is the place of stillness in me that I cultivate like a flame. 

Make space for the full range of you. Don’t run away from your emotions – just be with it… but if there is any advice I can give – make space in the beginning of your day to be still and try and carry this flame around, observe what winds make it want to flicker out, or what makes it grow and expand…you ARE Love…